i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
