Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
