dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
