Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
