Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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