Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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