Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
