he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
