i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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