physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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