I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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