On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
