ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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