I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
