I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
