We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
