Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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