I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
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Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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