You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
