dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
