if i died would you start the facebook group?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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