Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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