I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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