Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
