I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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