you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
