Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
