Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
