so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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