You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
