STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize