I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
