In the future we'll all be gay
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
