life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
