I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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