Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
