Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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