I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
