she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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