So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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