if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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