It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
