He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
