I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
