it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
