I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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