I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
love makes seman taste better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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