You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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