Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
