is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my shit smells like andre
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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