I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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