i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
