the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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