This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
