My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
