GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
