I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
