apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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