I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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