If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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